You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
