I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
