...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
jump out the window naked night went bad
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