We're like a lot better than the average bears
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
