I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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