Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
