My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
two words: eviction party
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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