my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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