Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
