One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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