He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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