Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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