Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
