Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
