life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
