that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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