so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
a search helicopter?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am available for nakedness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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