just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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