Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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