true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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