can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
