I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
