we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
