your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
