Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
