That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
