I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
