dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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