it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
