Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
