HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
