she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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