Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
