dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
