tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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