so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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