There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
