just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The ass gains better be worth it
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