my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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