He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
