My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
