You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
