Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
