you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
