So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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