I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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