Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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