i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
