i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
