i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
