A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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