are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
