So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
