I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
