youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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