Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is my gift to your gina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
