For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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