"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
