My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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