sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
