based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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