i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
