They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
