y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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