Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
