Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
