I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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