So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
