are you still at the devil's house?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
