your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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