am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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