so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
did you just send me my own nude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
