they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
