Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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