If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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