My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
