She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
