ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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