youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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