At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
