help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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