a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
