Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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