I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
