hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
