Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
