He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
