If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
