Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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