My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
